What about marriage?--And divorce?
CHAPTER 25: Of Marriage
(Parts One and Two)
The first thing that is worthy of notice about what the Confession says regarding marriage is that it says so little. Is that a reflection on the insignificance of marriage? Certainly not. It is, rather, a subtle reminder that what God’s Word says about marriage is not terribly complicated. Consider how straight forward the opening sentence of chapter 25 is:
Marriage is to be between one man and one woman; neither is it lawful for any man to have more than one wife, nor for any woman to have more than one husband at the same time. (Gen. 2:24; Mal. 2:15; Matt. 19:5-6)
Pretty simple isn’t it? This simple statement, summarizing the clear teaching of the Bible, puts to rest all sorts of questions and attacks on biblical marriage. One man and one woman. No bigamy. Not polygamy. No same-sex marriage. This simple statement unravels “What about if people love each other?” It doesn’t matter. No matter how much people love each other or a dish of chocolate pudding, it has nothing to do with biblical marriage. While love makes a marriage between one man and one woman sweeter, love does not make a marriage—especially if that “love” is a sinful (unbiblical) love involving more than two people or people of the same gender. (And there are only two genders: male and female, assigned at birth by God.)
Let us be reminded that right and wrong are determined by God and communicated to us in His inerrant and unchanging Word. When will we learn not to trust our feelings, much less the “wisdom” of the world?
(Part Two)
In addition to the Confession’s reflection of the biblical teaching that marriage is to be between one man and one woman, we are reminded that the Bible teaches one spouse at a time. This does not endorse serial marriages, divorces, and remarriages. The Bible teaches that there are two reasons why a marriage is dissolved. The first is the death of either spouse (Romans 7:2). A person released from marriage because of a death is “free to remarry, only in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 7:39).
The water is a little more murky when it comes to divorce. Some well-meaning Christians teach that divorced people are never allowed to remarry. We believe that position not only places a yoke of bondage on divorced people, but more importantly, it is difficult to defend from scripture. While not endorsing serial marriage, divorce, and remarriage, Jesus clearly allows a biblical ground for divorce: infidelity (Matthew 19:9). Since that is a biblical ground for divorce, we would say it allows remarriage. Likewise, Paul says that a believer who is left [divorced] by a non-believer is “not under bondage” (1 Corinthians 7:15). From this we believe that the believer divorced by a non-believer is free to remarry, again, “only in the Lord” (v.39).
While these biblical grounds for divorce exist, they must not be seen as “loopholes” to get out of an unhappy marriage.
And let us add that people’s marital history before coming to faith in Christ must not be held over their heads to condemn them, since we are all made clean when we are saved.
Having Children and Sexual Purity
CHAPTER 25: Of Marriage
(Parts Three and Four)
What is the purpose of marriage? According to scripture, summarized in the Confession:
“Marriage was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife (Genesis 2:18), for the increase of mankind with a legitimate issue (Genesis 1:28, Malachi 2:15), and for preventing uncleanness (1 Corinthians 7:2, 9).”
Properly understood and pursued, biblical marriage promotes happiness, but happiness itself is not the goal of marriage. We are not free to abandon marriage because we insist that we are not happy.
While we would not condemn married people who opt not to have children, we would encourage married people and those entering into marriage that having children is one of God’s stated purposes for marriage (Malachi 2:15). We would encourage people to be sure that their decision not to have children is not motivated by selfishness. Of course, if God disallows a married couple to bear children, God has His purposes. But even in these cases, adoption is a choice to be considered seriously. We would also remind people that God ordains parents to care for children when the children are young, and that He likewise ordains children to care for their parents when their parents are old. Deciding against children is usually a decision that often results in loneliness in one’s old age.
(Part Four)
Another biblical purpose for marriage summarized in the Confession is “and for preventing uncleanness” (1 Corinthians 7:2,9). God created humans as sexual beings with sexual appetites. God also ordained marriage as a monogamous relationship between 1 man and 1 woman for life. God has ordained marriage as the only relationship in which our sexual appetites are to be satisfied. Therefore, since unmarried people often struggle with their sexual appetites, Paul counsels single people, “it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). Outside of biblical marriage, unmarried people have an extra responsibility to maintain sexual purity.
We must not think (as some have taught) that marriage is a bad thing reserved for people who cannot control themselves. What it means is that while a small percentage of people may have the gift of singleness, most people should marry, since marriage is the only God-ordained means of experiencing and enjoying one’s sexuality.
This does not mean that married people are exempted from sexual temptation or sin. Married people must still deal with sexual temptation by limiting their sexuality to the confines of biblical marriage, understanding that living according to God’s plan is the only path to true fulfillment and joy.
December 3, 2020
God's blessing of children and believers marrying non-believers
CHAPTER 25: Of Marriage
(Parts Five through Seven)
In addition to the Confession’s reflection of the biblical teaching that marriage is to be between one man and one woman, we are reminded of the biblical prohibition against marrying a close relative (Leviticus 18:6). How close is too close? Check your state laws—they are pretty reliable, at least in the sense of prohibiting marriage between relatives that are genetically too close to have children safely.
While most people do not need to be told not to marry a sibling (thanks to the naturally built in “ick-factor”), why does God voice this prohibition in the Law? Because, as Malachi 2:15 teaches, one of God’s purposes for marriage is procreating children. When close relatives have children, those children will likely have genetic problems. Therefore, God’s prohibition of marrying close relatives is, in part, to shield us from damaging the human gene pool. God loves us so, He forbids us from doing what is not good.
Sadly, our so-called “open-minded,” “progressive” (read: destructive) culture frequently views children as a problem instead of a blessing. So if laws change allowing marriage between near relatives, obey God rather than either culture or government.
(Part Six)
Another point regarding marriage from the Confession: Believers are to marry only in the faith. People often object, insisting this is unfair. After all, “What if two people from different religions are in love?” As always, God’s laws are for our good and for the good of our children after us. When people from two different religious convictions marry, the time will come when it will matter. It will almost certainly happen if they have children and want to raise the children differently.
One of two things will almost certainly happen in a spiritually mixed-marriage. Either one will be drawn away from his or her convictions for the sake of peace, or both will end up abandoning any real spiritual convictions to avoid conflict. Neither is good for the parents, of for their children!
(Part Seven)
Why should anyone be concerned about the danger of a believer marrying a non-believer? After all, how could it be wrong if two people love each other? Listen to God in the matter of His people intermarrying with non-believers:
Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the LORD will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly. Deuteronomy 7:3-4
While the prohibition of spiritually mixed marriages is repeated throughout the Bible, it remains one of most commonly ignored commands. Listen to Nehemiah contend with the believers of his day who violated God’s command in this manner:
Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? Yet among many nations there was no king like him, who was beloved of his God; and God made him king over all Israel. Nevertheless pagan women caused even him to sin. Should we then hear of your doing all this great evil, transgressing against our God by marrying pagan women? Nehemiah 13:26-26
Romantic love, as wonderful as it is, is never an acceptable reason to disobey God! Remember, God’s prohibitions are for our good.
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